By Aaron Nemo in the USA:
How Donald Trump Sees The Globe
A delusional billionaire’s perception of a world map.
Over the centuries, countless cartographers have dedicated their lives to tirelessly assembling an accurate representation of our globe. Ignore those idiots: It’s Trump time! Feast your eyes upon our estimation of the ultimate map as perceived by the lone presidential candidate ever to utter the phrase, “Somebody’s doing the raping.”
Trump, formerly the United States of America, is the world’s largest and best country. It’s downright huge (pronounced “yuge”). The country now known as Climate Change Is a Hoax, which is losing 90 miles of cubic ice each year, is named after The Donald’s stance on global warming.
Vacation is a great place to take a trip, but make sure to fly there as opposed to driving. You wouldn’t want to get a flat tire in Rape.
Trump-Mark Cuban relations are improving. Cuban was recently removed from the State Sponsors of Terrorism list, on which it was placed because of a Twitter feud with the former host of “The Apprentice.“.
Across the Atlantic from Trump is a continent called Obama Is From Here. It neighbors the Middle East, an area of the world that has been graced by the holiest of men: Bradley Cooper and Clint Eastwood. Oh, and don’t forget Dumb Opinion About Muslims!
All eyes are on the young, hostile nation of North Korea. It can be found just South of South Korea. Wait —
Now onto arguably the most powerful dynasty in the world: The New England Patriots. This economic powerhouse received its name from Trump’s recent comparison between Tom Brady’s crew and Chinese leadership. The Patriots share a border with They Copied My Taj Mahal, a country that totally ripped off Trump’s Atlantic City casino.
Trump’s host in Hollywood was the Friends of Abe, a semi-clandestine group of right-wing film-makers that includes Clint Eastwood and Jon Voight: here.